Saturday, January 3, 2009

Does any one stay together anymore?

Lying here in darkness
I hear the sirens wail
Somebody going to emergency
Somebody going to jail
if you find somebody to love in this world
better hold on tooth and nail
the wolf is always at the door
My daughter sent a poll out on her cell phones to all of her friends asking, "Can a man and women be faithful for the rest of their lives?" the response she got was amazing. Most of the responses were yes.
She asked because she has had two serious relationships, both husbands cheated. She is now afraid of having a serious relationship. Most of her friends seem to have similar problems.Has the world changed, or has our culture changed so much we don't think we need to be faithful.
In my generation, the "me" generation I am surprised that we are more likely to be faithful. Remember the 60's and 70's? I was in California in the late sixties. I visited Haight-Ash bury, I even hitched hiked with some friends to Woodstock New York for a concert...(smile)

I remember I had friends living in communes. I have a very good friend today who lived with her husband in a commune, they eventually in the 80's married, became respectable and had 6 kids. They became Christian, home schooled and put as much passion into raising their children and living their new lifestyle as they did in commune. I used to visit and totally admire their lifestyle.

In a New York minute everything
Everything can change
In a New York minute
things can get a little strange
In a New York minute
everything can change
in a New York minute
then she woke up one morning, and realized it was a dream. that her relationship was not what she thought.She didn't know when it had changed. there wasn't any cheating involved, she just decided to go to work and he became different.After a few weeks she realized she was in an abusive relationship with a controlling man. after a month she realized she had always been.
Divorced was immenent.
She landed on her feet. She is still my hero.
Shortly thereafter my marriage collapsed. but it had been headed that way for a long time.
Does anyone stay together anymore?

Both of my kids were victims of mates who cheated on them. Both mates acted like it was the thing to do. In fact my daughters last relationship told her that she should cheat on him, she would feel better. He was very surprised when they broke up.

I don't know when the rules of relationships changed. My daughter asks me if she should trust anymore. My standard answer is "yes" you just have to find the right person.
People find mates online, bars, etc. Relationships seem so fleeting. No one seems to take commitment seriously.

In these days
When Darkness falls early
and people rush home
to the ones you love
you better take a fools advice
take care of your own
one day they are here
next day they are gone.

I tell her, a relationship is work. You have to decided to make it work. It is too people who make a commitment together and decided they are going to do the work, not make the easy way out.
It is not about a soul mate, not finding the love of your life, it is about loving the one you are with, and making that work. You can go from relationship to relationship and never find "the One" but at some point you will look back and realize you did find them, you just missed it.
we were to busy looking, to see. The contacts were rose colored, then when reality set it it seemed to much work. But how much work is to much to make it last?

I don't have any answers, but I know it is a difficult world out there. i find myself single again. And I don't know the rules, but that's OK, because I am going to play by my rules.

As I tell Deni, prove to yourself you don't need a man in your life. You can make it on your own. When you do that, and are totally self sufficient, when you meet Him your eyes are not rose covered, but open\. and you can decide if it is worth the work, because it will be work for both sides and one will always work harder.

In a New York Minute
Everything can change
In a New York minute
You can get out of the rain
In a New York Minute
everything can change
In a new York minute

So, whats the answer to her question. There isn't a correct one. Yes, out there they are people staying together. They have found the secret. It's not some big secret only a few know. It's not mysterious. It's not even hard. It is good old fashion hard work, commitment, and love. Not of the heart, but of the whole body and spirit. It's looking at someone and saying, this is my choice.l

Lyric New York Minute by the Eagles

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