Where's The Light?

Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light’

Professor Albus Dumbledore – Hogwarts Academy

The month of August is the worst month of the year for me. This month started the surgeries, that were supposed to prolong Sharon’s life; but instead ended it.

Even  after so many years memories flood my mind and heart. Memories of all of my kids when there were three.

I am fine one minute, overwhelmed with tears the next. The emotional turmoil is horrendous. What’s even worse is the fact, there is not anyone you can share it with. Most people feel you should move on, well those that have never lost a child anyway.

A few years ago  I was partly saved by the fact dear friends from Virginia chose this time to visit. They knew my Sharon and felt the loss with me at the time. The peace is incredible.

Don’t knock old friends. They are like a breath of fresh air when all you are seeing is fog. Old friends know things about that no one else does. They have felt your pain, they have lived with you.

This friend has lived through the infancy of my children, my divorce, the passing of my daughter, the teen delinquency of my teens, (temporary but still there) my bratty years, and still they love me

So are  you looking elsewhere for your sunshine? It’s not in your job, it’s not in money. In fact. it is not in anything material;

It’s in the people that surround you. The life-force they infuse into you when you haven’t any left, just by being there.

This month is still going to be the worse month of my year. But, someone turned on the lights for me. They came to visit and reminded me that the love of friends and family is our earthly strength.
David had such a friend. His friend Jonathan risked everything, to save his friend David.
Ruth was such a friend to Naomi.
Ron and Hermione were friends to Harry
who is your friend?
As for me:

I thank them, and I thank God.

Ruth 1:16-17 But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.”

What do you tell your kids about Love,

My daughter did a post a while back about Love at first sight and whether or not it existed. In this day of online dating, meeting in clubs etc how do you meet someone and fall in love at first sight?  I'm  wondering, is it love or is it infactuaction?

I know a lady who cannot be alone. the minute she breaks up with someone she is looking for someone else. she is 40 years old and divorced, you would start to wonder why she has not had anymore permanent relationships, why they are all so fleeting. She doesn't. she continues to fall in love. 

I don't understand, I always thought love was once and forever. I thought love was a special feeling for one person, whom you really wanted to be with, I thought that kind of devotion takes a minute or two. I can't see it coming around the corner every time I meet someone. There have to be some men out there I do not like. 

Well, I hate to tell you there are  a lot of men out three I do not like. I can usually tell by their pick-up lines. Come up to me and tell me how incredibility beautiful I am, ciao I know better, I don't like false complements. 

Come up to me and tell me you are separated from your wife..see me when you have papers..either from the AKC or the courts.

This one annoys me: I have been watching you and want you to have my Baby? really? What makes you so special I'd want to go through nine months of pain then labor? Think that one through. Now if you offered to carry it for me....

I find it hard with these lines to fall in love at first sight Denise asked me if I believed that there was one person for everyone. I actually do.  I believe we are afraid to wait. What if No one else comes along? and so we rush in. 

A friend of mine married a gentlemen a few weeks ago, I asked her if she loved him and was surprised by her answer, She told me she could live with him, he liked her kids and was nice. No Love? In the old days the father used to choose a mate for the daughters, my favorite movie in the whole world is fiddler on the roof most people who like the movie like it because it represents change and giving up tradition. but I love tradition. I think that we started giving p our traditions we lost everything dear and life became complicated. 

When Dad chose your mate, you were ashamed to leave him marriages lasted.

Now, before you are up in arms that I am advocating the old ways, I am. No I don't want my dad to choose my mate. 

But I want my daughter to be more careful this time when she chooses hers. 

She asked me how she could tell a nice guy. I told her by where she met him, if you meet a guy in a bar he drinks. He is probably not a alcoholic if you want a non drinker why are you looking there?

"Mom" Denise asks me " Do you believe in love at first site?" and my answer is yes I do. 

I have seen it, I have experienced it.

Love is indeed beautiful, and warm. It is not about lust. It is about respect.

There are three popular venues out there right not.  That everyone is talking  about The movie

"He's just not that into you." Which to me was tongue in cheek and I took it that way, but some women were really offended. The other is a book: The problem with Women is: Men Which is another excellent book on dealing with relationship problems and finally "the Break Up diet"

 And with all of this media telling us how to have a relationship, I wonder if we even know when we are in love. Do the books tell us?

The book of  Romans tells us there is  a perfect mate for all of us,one who will last for a lifetime.

Yes Denis, I believe in Love at first site, I believe it is lasting and is pure. I believe there is someone person for everyone. I just believe you have to listen to your mind as well as your heart, and listen first of all  to God. 

Or better yet, just go watch Fiddler on the Roof.

 

Does any one stay together anymore?

Lying here in darkness

I hear the sirens wail

Somebody going to emergency

Somebody going to jail

if you find somebody to love in this world

better hold on tooth and nail

the wolf is always at the door

My daughter sent a poll out on her cell phones to all of her friends asking, "Can a man and women be faithful for the rest of their lives?" the response she got was amazing. Most of the responses were yes.

She asked because she has had two serious relationships, both husbands cheated. She is now afraid of having a serious relationship. Most of her friends seem to have similar problems.Has the world changed, or has our culture changed so much we don't think we need to be faithful.

In my generation, the "me" generation I am surprised that we are more likely to be faithful. Remember the 60's and 70's? I was in California in the late sixties. I visited Haight-Ash bury, I even hitched hiked with some friends to Woodstock New York for a concert...(smile)

I remember I had friends living in communes. I have a very good friend today who lived with her husband in a commune, they eventually in the 80's married, became respectable and had 6 kids. They became Christian, home schooled and put as much passion into raising their children and living their new lifestyle as they did in commune. I used to visit and totally admire their lifestyle.

In a New York minute everything

Everything can change

In a New York minute

things can get a little strange

In a New York minute

everything can change

in a New York minute

then she woke up one morning, and realized it was a dream. that her relationship was not what she thought.She didn't know when it had changed. there wasn't any cheating involved, she just decided to go to work and he became different.After a few weeks she realized she was in an abusive relationship with a controlling man. after a month she realized she had always been.

Divorced was immenent.

She landed on her feet. She is still my hero.

Shortly thereafter my marriage collapsed. but it had been headed that way for a long time.

Does anyone stay together anymore?

Both of my kids were victims of mates who cheated on them. Both mates acted like it was the thing to do. In fact my daughters last relationship told her that she should cheat on him, she would feel better. He was very surprised when they broke up.

I don't know when the rules of relationships changed. My daughter asks me if she should trust anymore. My standard answer is "yes" you just have to find the right person.

People find mates online, bars, etc. Relationships seem so fleeting. No one seems to take commitment seriously.

In these days

When Darkness falls early

and people rush home

to the ones you love

you better take a fools advice

take care of your own

one day they are here

next day they are gone.

I tell her, a relationship is work. You have to decided to make it work. It is too people who make a commitment together and decided they are going to do the work, not make the easy way out.

It is not about a soul mate, not finding the love of your life, it is about loving the one you are with, and making that work. You can go from relationship to relationship and never find "the One" but at some point you will look back and realize you did find them, you just missed it.

we were to busy looking, to see. The contacts were rose colored, then when reality set it it seemed to much work. But how much work is to much to make it last?

I don't have any answers, but I know it is a difficult world out there. i find myself single again. And I don't know the rules, but that's OK, because I am going to play by my rules.

As I tell Deni, prove to yourself you don't need a man in your life. You can make it on your own. When you do that, and are totally self sufficient, when you meet Him your eyes are not rose covered, but open\. and you can decide if it is worth the work, because it will be work for both sides and one will always work harder.

In a New York Minute

Everything can change

In a New York minute

You can get out of the rain

In a New York Minute

everything can change

In a new York minute

So, whats the answer to her question. There isn't a correct one. Yes, out there they are people staying together. They have found the secret. It's not some big secret only a few know. It's not mysterious. It's not even hard. It is good old fashion hard work, commitment, and love. Not of the heart, but of the whole body and spirit. It's looking at someone and saying, this is my choice.l

Lyric New York Minute by the Eagles