Monday, September 14, 2009

Children, Tantums, and Natasha

One of my kids shared an incident with me a while back. They told me about a time they were scribbling on a piece of paper pretending they were doing "cursive" we called it in those days.
They ran up and showed it to their Dad, who shot them down with a word: that's not cursive, that's just scribbling. they were devastated and still 24 years later remember and hear the words as if it were today.

I didn't remember the incident, but got as angry at there dad today, as if I had been then, had I known I probably would have popped him on the head. I had to do that a lot with him. Sensitive was not his forte and kids also were not, Although he loved his kids, he hadn't any idea how to handle them.
I know he didn't mean it, but it was so hurtful that the child remembers it today.

Tasha has had what I call a Brat day. She has whined, and cried, and shouted MINE MINE so many times I have almost taken every toy, book, blanket and item of clothing she owns away from her. Well not really, but she has had a day. I tell her on these days she is acting like Stingy on Lazy Town. She pouts at that she doesn't like Stingy, and knows he is not a nice person.

I had a flashback for a few minutes, I was picking up Eric and on his way home he decided he wanted Taco Bell, and of course brought Tasha a Taco,Which was left in the bag while he munched on his nachos. Tasha ungraciously told him not to eat HER taco, in such a rude manner I thought it was another child was in the back seat. I just looked at her, and took in the tired cranky look and started to scold her a little, Eric intervined, explained to her he wouldn't eat her Taco but it wasn't hers yet it was a gift and he hadn't given it to her yet. He was careful to be kind. Good for him. Because what she really needed was a swat.

Kids go through all kinds of stages, and at the age of "almost 4" the brat stage is pretty common. I am glad Eric remembered she was only 3 1/2.

I saw a parent in the grocery store the other day, apparently her child was having a brat day as well. She was trying to crawl out of the basket, throwing a total fit. How that mom remained calm, I don't know but when he was settled and stopped, the mom said in a low voice, "You know whats going to happen when we get home, right?"
The child sniffing looked up and said a spanking? she nodded yep. a good one.

I had to smile, but the child knew his consequences,and that's a plus. The mom kept her cool. I liked that, however, I don't want to be at her house or any where near when they get home.

I started this because I was thinking about Lavender during all of these little episodes. What could she had done so horribly that her mother would beat her to death?

Tasha can throw a fit mind you,, she can scream, yell, kick hollar with the best of them (I just don't take pictures on those days maybe someday I should) but we just wait her out. I have a naughty chair she hates, that I put her in.

After on such exhausting episode Eric told me, I can really understand child abuse, then he laughed and said not really.

But really. On some days you can understand how a parent can get to the point, but jumping off is what I don't understand. I'd cut off my hand before hurting my, or anyone elses child.

Speaking of Walmart, when I worked there I say a mother terribly deriding her child, yelling calling him names, really threatening her life. I grabbed another associate and walked over to her offered her a cup of coffee in the break room. While the other associate watched the child.

After she calmed down, mom and son were reunited, but with the added advantage of knowing how she looked to people. She left apologizing and contrite. I wasn't trying o humiliate her I just wanted her to calm down, but she went to the store manager a week later and told her, she had started getting help. She just didn't realize she was out of control.

Can we all help an out of control mom? Maybe that's the key. Maybe that would have saved Lavender. Maybe we should not turn our heads and hope things will be ok. Do you know an overwhelmed mother?

And do it goes...


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