Tuesday, September 7, 2010

If Wishes were horses......

I woke up this morning to a very sunny day, the wonderful smell of fall in the air. for Charleston this means the swamp wafting gently through the air leaving an unbelievable stench. Charleston is a town about water, it is a fishing town, swamps, boating, cruise ships, anything and everything to do with watr is part of her livelihood.

My Sharon loved water. When she was alive I wish I had lived here instead of where we were.
We would drive miles to take her fishing, and swimming what she loved to do most. Its a sad thing to live directly on a lake now, knowing how she would have love it

Anyway, you can't go back you can only go forward. I find these things hard to enjoy because I know how much she would have. How does a mother murder her child? It pains me to think of going on every day without mine. s Some questions are only for God to Answer, but some how I think we we get to heaven I won't care. i w ill just see her and the rest of my famiy, mother, father, brothers, nephews, sisters, grandmother waiting for me.

When I picture this scene I see a  huge airport with people coming and going. Escalators are going to the bottom bottom floor, and others going to the top. My family waiting in a cluster with flowers and smiles, at the top of the up elevator is Jesus holding out his arms, because the Bible tells us out of the body into his presence so..as much as people write about Peter guarding the gate. it can't be true. The Bible tells us our first vision in heaven will be of Jesus.

Out of the body into the presence og God the Bible tells us. I take comfort knowing, I will see him first.

So I remember the months of August and September one year, they started out gloriously and ended with half my family gone, ending with my daughter. Although a cloud hangs over these months, a light shines as well.

So today, on the last day of these horrible months, the day my daughter died is like the end of my year and I star a new year of coping.

So life goes on..
I wish I had had time to say goodbye and I am sorry to my mother but God gave her the fortitude to tellmy aunt all is forgiven

I wish my dad had come home, but glad  God saw fit to have him call me from a bus in Detroit be  on the phone with him when he died. A broken relationship repaired

I wished my Grandmother had lived, but at 92 life was to much for her. Again I was at her bedside in when she went home. The women who took me out of dangerous living situation and gave the rest of her life to raise me and keep me safe.

I so wish my daughter was here . She was crying about a loose tooth and would she lose it in time for the tooth fairy to give her money...as we were going up the stairs..then she turned to me and cried "mom, my heart" and fell into my arms. while ther she went home I felt her spirit leave her body, and God allowed that in his wisdom so I would be able to cope. Because I knew she went home to him.

Sharons favorite poems was If Wishes were horses..

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if "ifs" and "ands"
Were pots and pans,
There'd be no work for tinkers!

So I am opening yet another online project a store called If Wishes Were Horses..

Because if they were, days like today would not happen.

Bless everyone who has lost a loved one, or is in mourning. We always say may God comfor you, buit there is no May..He does comfort you..May we accept His comfort..

Night, Sharon. Mommy loves you, I will see you very soon.
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