Sunday, February 15, 2015

Like a Canary in a mineshaft

A few days ago, I jumped up off the sofa with the intention of helping Tasha with her grilled cheese sandwich seconds later I found myself looking up from the carpet, The computer cord which has been there for months, jumped up wrapped itself around my ankle and tripped me. Anyway, thats my story and I am sticking to it. Quite honestly it was very comical sort of event, Tasha shouting, "Nanny are you all right, get up!" The background hub bub, but I turned myself over,in the midst of trying to get up, untangled my feet from the cord, and reassure Tasha I was fine; it was a pretty funny two minutes,
 the only thing damaged was my pride and  Isettled Tasha with her grilled cheese. Later I asked Tasha why she had gotten so upset, her mom and she had both taken the computer cord tumble in the past and she hadn't been upset,
 Yes, Nanny” she replied “but you’re fragile,”
Fragile, this old warhorse that has suffered and claimed victory on so many things, fragile?
No, my little darling, not fragile. Perhaps life worn, but never fragile. I can and will beat those same demons should they decide to come around now. Such innocence warms the heart, and strengthens the soul.

Tasha herself is determined. If she wants something she wants it and is no questions about it.
At three she wanted a blanket from Anna’s linens while browsing she picked up a comforter and carried it with her. Denise and I noticed her clutching the thing, and tried to sway her towards a silly princess or cartoon blanket, when all was said and done, I asked her which comforter she wanted. She looked up at me, afraid to make a choice because we had been bombarding her with so many other: she picked up the initial simple pink flowered blanket and said quietly, “this one”
We had not been listening.

She took a picture down that she had painted herself, took one of my pictures down and rehung hers in my place.
It looks better on the family wall, and never to be left defeated, she placed my picture where she thought it belonged. And it did look better there.
To her mother when we were discussing hanging pictures in her room: “Mommy is going to hang the butterflies over her head,”
Denise “I am?”
Tasha: “oh, I forgot to tell you: I was thinking….”
Its okay Tasha, We are listening.
Why is it, they have to grow up so fast? When did she get determine and confident about what she wants.
So now, she is going to be nine.
I am not sure where the little princess left off and the cool level headed child/adult stepped in. What did we miss?
Denise and Eric often regale people of a childhood that I don’t remember, was I there?
Apparently so, I just wasn’t listening. Sometimes I am glad, if I had seen them jumping off the garage roof I may not have made it through their childhoods.
Many people tried to rain me in when I was younger. I had a smart sarcastic altitude, I could and would put someone in their places so quickly they would wake up three days later and realize I had told them off, I was proud of this talent. Now I wish I had listened more and loved more,
However you cannot go back and change things, so that season is over, and that as they say is that.
Now to pull this whole blog post together, so it makes sense. I see you shaking your head thinking, No way this is way to random of a post.
Just wait a few more minutes,
The miners during the late 19th and early 20th century would take a canary down into the tunnels with them. The canaries totally oblivious to what their roll was, would sing merrily until they were taken up back the end of the day. Birds are dense, their job on this earth is to give us beautiful music, but when the music stops: well let’s say the miner made a beeline to get out of there: it meant they had hit a gas filled area, or bad air. The canary gave his life to spare there’s.
What protects ours?
Life is short and precious. While looking at the world from my carpet I could have elected to stay there, but I knew I wouldn’t. I have been there to many times and had to pick myself up and I would again.
Tasha’s determined has grown into her being a child with opinions and thoughts of a grown up some days (you’re kidding Fragile? Where does an eight year old learn this stuff?) Or for the better part of other days, just being eight. But you know she is going to be okay, by her decision making, Always she will pick herself up. Her canary we hope will be sound teachings, reasoning out things and strong decisions. We hope the ability to sense things and handle them.
I don’t believe my kids had a canary when they were climbing trees, and jumping off roofs, I believe they were caught in the throes of childhood spirit: nothing could hurt them in their joy, God did the rest, and he planted His hand firmly on their little selves and said you are mine, and proceeded to keep them from harm.
I have seen them time and time again fall and land on their feet. Determination.
And me
, I don’t have any regrets. I have somber moments when life was so horrible: then I remember the canary never stopped singing, for me. I am still here.
The tie in? Three generations of family here, successful by holding to determination.
By Why does it always have to be so high?

We all got this.

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