Thursday, December 19, 2013

Surviving the darkness

When Tasha was two, her little life had taken so many twists and turns. In her short two years of life she had lived in Virginia and Florida, in 3 different homes or apartments and now she was being packed up to move to Charleston. We (Denise and I) packed up the car, truck filled to capacity and then some and both sides of Tasha in the back seat piled high around her car seat. She cold not have moved had she tried. Supported by stuffed animals, toys, blankets, toys and who remembers what else now, we were off to a new city with two hundred dollars and nothing but hope. This was truly a step in faith.

Amazingly enough Tasha, amused herself for the majority of the 9 hour drive. She slept, sang, talked to us and looked around at the amazing scenery. She was as usual as good as gold.

Charleston proved to be the right place to be. Once we were here and settled int a house, mommy had a job working days Nanny night, and Uncle Eric dropped in periodically. Life seemed to be more solid and more routine. Everyone calmed down.

However one night, after we had been here for months, Tasha woke up crying. She couldn't tell me if she had a bad dream, or what had frightened her she just cried "Dark, Nanny, darK!

So many of my friends right now are going through the darkness. Broken relationships, Marriages, broken families and broken hearts. The loss of close family members, the loss of livelihood.

Living  in as much turmoil as our lives were  when we left Tampa, and left we did with just a hope for security, and a dream of freedom from fear.

I weep for my friends.

The darkest  time in my life was the passing of  my Sharon. for 11 years,  I waited for her passing. Doctors told me she would not make it. I was consistently being told to be prepared. then one day a doctor told me there was hope, a new surgery and Sharon would be cured.

We tried it, had high hopes the darkness was behind us...and she went home. Less than a month later.

Why? Why when we had hope finally was she called home?

And as you know the Why's begin:

Why does my husband not love me anymore?

Why don't my children listen to me?

Why was I laid off, I have been there the longest?

Why was my mother, father, grandma, son, daughter taken? Arent parents supposed to outlive their parents?

No. That's a vicious rumor. More parents outlive their kids then not.

We think we will be happy if we just knew why.

The truth is, one day we will know why and we won't care.

The God of Abraham and Isaac knows why. He knows we are going through the darkness, AND He promised light at the end.

While we are going through it, we can't see the light. But it is there. We feel His presence and think we are releasing it to Him, but we are really holding on, afraid to let go completely. But it's not until we let go of the darkness we see the light.

We had gone to the dollar store the day before Tasha woke up crying, and I had purchased some tiny flashlights I thought were cute and might come in handy.

I gave one to Natasha the light pierced the darknes!  She could see that everything she loved and cherished was there,  so her life was still on the same course.  She clutched the flashlight and settled down into her pillow quickly  went back to sleep. I climbed in bed next to her so if she woke up again, I was there: but she didn't need me she had her light and where there is light, there isn't  darkness any longer.It was comforting to know after all the changes in her yourn life, all was the same.

So this Christmas season,for  those of you who are in the darkness, I promise you there is light. I promise you will plow through the pain and the anguish and tears. I promise all you have to  do is climb the steps one  at a time. the journey is hard, and slow: but the view from he top is glorious. And you are not alone...the God of Abraham, Moses and Jacob..the father of Jesus the creator of us all is climbing with you.
He is piercing the darkness, with a sliver of light to guide you through the journay.

Keep the faith.
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